God, I miss writing in here.  I can't even blog at work because blogs are automatically blocked.  I passed my first licensing test!  Now I'm studying for my next one on Monday.  Hopefully I'll be able to do some postings towards the end of next week then.  I hope all is well with everyone.

P.S. The movie below is highly recommended!  Story about a woman who has never had an orgasm and a husband who is frustrated by it.  She winds up addicted to her vibrator once she achieves her first orgasm with it, and he ends up getting his life back together once he realizes that he can bring other women to orgasm.  There's more to it than that, though....however, those are some of the funniest parts of the movie. 

Alright.  I might as well just come out with it.  For those of you who I know personally who would have preferred hearing this in person as opposed to reading it on my blog, I apologize.  I just feel like I need to get this out on a public forum for some reason.

I moved out of my parents house.

Don't rejoice quite yet.  You haven't heard the circumstances.  I didn't discuss it with them.  I just moved my stuff out and talked to them about it afterwards.  Yep.  That's right.  Let's begin.

Why did I choose to do it this way?  I knew while I was doing it that it wasn't the best way to move out, to say the least.  However, my mother and I had had discussions about it over the past few months, and she made her feelings known that she wanted me to stay at home until I get married.  My mother's....er...suggestions aren't suggestions.  They're commands, as I have learned during the times I don't follow her "advice".  I felt desperate to move out...it almost felt like a life or death situation for a while.  I felt if I waited to talk to her again about it, I would end up doing what she wanted me to do (like always), which is stay home.

Reasons for moving out: There's your typical post-teen reason: independence.  However, that wasn't my main reason.  As many people who know me know, I'm not a fan of confrontation/conflict.  I avoid it as much as possible.  I realized, though, that the mild anxiety attacks (well, according to WebMD, they seem more like mild panic attacks...but we'll go with anxiety) I get about conflict primarily occur with my mother.  They occasionally help to build up to temporary bouts of depression that I get.  (I was depressed as a child.  I figure it'll be with me forever.)  I was told once my a therapist that, even though she cares about me, living with her probably isn't the best situation for me.  The combination of those two things made me come to the conclusion that getting out the house was the best option for me. 

So, how did it go?  It went almost as bad as I expected...but worse.  I knew they'd be upset, but, as odd as it sounds, I was surprised how hurt they were that I went ahead and moved out without talking to them.  My mom claims that if I had just asked, they would have said yes, which I know isn't true considering the past times we had talked about this.  I explained to her that I understood her reasons why she wanted me to stay home longer, but that I felt gaining my independence was more important.  (I didn't mention the psychological stuff intentionally.  I figure telling her, "Hey, you give me anxiety attacks" would hurt her.)  They conveyed their feelings that this was a horrible thing to do to them after all they've done for me, which I understood.  I told them that even though I wasn't going to be living at home, I wanted to still help out with family business stuff and watching the dog.  Just because I moved out didn't mean I wasn't apart of the family.  However, I was clearly told that my help was not wanted. 

My mom said she feels like I was only there to take things from them and, now that there's nothing left to take, I'm gone.  I explained that me moving out gave them one less person that's dependent on them.  I also repeated the fact that I still wanted to help them, considering all that they have done for me.  She ignored that.  She asked me for my key to the house and said that if I wanted to come by to visit, I needed to call first.  They both told me "to have a nice life".

And now?  I have a mix of feelings right now.  The predominant one is guilt for hurting them so harshly (particularly my dad who I felt got caught in a crossfire that had nothing to do with him originally), something that I didn't see coming.  It's sad that I didn't have the foresight to see that.  The other feeling is relief that I'm not living with my mother anymore.  Currently, I don't regret what I did.  I still feel the method wasn't the best, but I feel the alternative wouldn't have been feasible considering my mom. However, I do regret that I hurt them.