-januar 27-
subscribers: 156
that's it. im tired of fucking being fat. 48 hour fast that started at 4pm today. i'm fucking doing it.
::edit::
posted thinspo. more for me than for anyone else. i need it right now. here's a quick question :
why do you want to be skinny so bad ?
me : a lot of reasons. i want to feel cute & tiny, i want to look hot in a bikini, i'll be happier, i want to feel confident. & i want to be able to buy whatever clothes i want to.
-january 25-
bleh. so i was doing ok, & then i pigged out like.. tuesday. so i was at 132.5 & then i fasted & i got down to 131 this morning. i WAS supposed to fast today & i did good all day. but then at 6 when i got home, i binged & purged & binged some more. it was horrible. i can't do 2 fasts in a row yet. the hunger becomes too much. so i'll stick to every other day. 24 hour fasts are becoming pretty easy. oh, & also i didn't do anything after school. i burned like 200 cals & thats it. i was playing ddr with people in the cardio room afterwards. so yeah, now i weigh 132. whatev. fast tomorrow ? hopefully, but i think we're going to ruby tuesdays =\ hope i have enough will power to get a salad. doubt it. ok, posting thinspo now (:
-january 21-
subs:147
I DID IT :D
FAST.
1 2 3 4 5 6 [5p-10p]
7 8 9 10 11 12 [11p-4a]
13 14 15 16 17 18 [5a-10a]
19 20 21 22 23 24 [11a-4p]
my first 24 hour fast completed ! it may seem small, but it's a big accomplishment for me. i ate kfc @ 6, but then i "got rid of it". i know i said i was trying to stop, but kfc is SO fattening and greasy. & i just ate some honey roasted nuts. but my weight has stayed the same. i lost two pounds since yesterday ! YES ! and your weight is always lighter in the morning, so if it says 128 tomorrow on the scale, i'll be supermotivated. i'm doing another fast starting wednesday because tomorrow i have to go to my grandmas. she cooks a lot, and there is no way of getting out of eating. so i'll eat slow & keep my portions small, & try to fill up on salad. gooduck everyone <3
-januray 20-
subs: 142
new thinspo, check it <3
also, i'm doing a 24 hour fast.
it started @ 5.
FAST.
1 2 3 4 5 6 [5p-10p]
7 8 9 10 11 12 [11p-4a]
13 14 15 16 17 18 [5a-10a]
19 20 21 22 23 24 [11a-4p]
-january 19-
subscribers: 137
basically, i suck at life. aha. i'm trying not to puke as much and eat healthier, that's going ok. but i feel so bad for not updating in like a month ! it's just, i get home late, my parents are always around, my computer has virusss.. ugh. i'm gonna try & post thinspo yet again. not making any promises. sorry for the delay !
-edit-
yes, i finally updated ! im home alone today, so im working on getting some more thinspo !
-january 5-
subs:117
omg, i'm so sorry i haven't been updating ! first of all, my computer has a virus ! ahh. & also, it's hard to get on here when my parents aren't constantly walking around & stuff. but my computer is working, & i'm finally home alone. so i'm gonna post an update in a few minutes !
-edit-
UGH.
my computer froze when i tried posting my thinspo update ! i can't even explain HOW FUCKING PISSED I AM !!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE VIRUSES ! well since my computer is being a cunt, i'm gonna try posting thinspo a little later. i'm really sorry, if you're in need for some good thinspo i suggest going to the sites i subscribed to (: they're all amazing.
-december 30-
subs:109
i'm back from vacation ! sorry i was gone so long !!! update tomorrow (:
-december 23-
-1:04 am-
subs:89
i'm fucking freaking out. i don't know what to do, i don't know what to think. i hate food, i hate boys, i hate false hope, i hate lies, i hate not knowing, i hate me. everything. i want to disappear. i can't even comprehend everything that's happening right now. i just want it to be christmas already. i want to be on in maine, on vacation. away from everyone, happy. i don't want to feel like this. i don't get why everything always backfires. i have to do something before i have a panic attack. please wish me luck, i'm just so lost right now.
-edit-
12:00 pm
subs:94
ok, so i feel a little better. but not much. i just have so much on my mind. i'm going out to see family today, & it would make me really happy if i had atleast 100 subscribers by the time i got home (: bleh & i would love to talk to someone right now, because none of my friends would really get it. they never do.
-december 21-
subs: 80 [ten in one day !!]
ok so i'm better now.
i'm going bowling tomorrow with a whole bunch of kids, & one of them is pretty cute. & apparently he wants to "hookup" so i'll see how that goes. i'm terrified to step on the scale. i've been eating like a fatttassssssssss. ah, omg. but whatever. i'm excited for tomorrow & christmas. KEEP SUBBING&STAY STRONG !
-december 20-
subs:70
girls, i'm so sorry i haven't been updating !
my computer had a virus =/ i only have about 25 thinspo pics to post, & i want to have atleast 40 for my big christmas update. so if i can't find that many, i'll post what i have now by saturday ! again, i'm really sorry i haven't updated & i hope you all are doing great ! i stayed home from school today, i was sick. but my weight has been pretty good. still at 132, but it's better than gaining weight !
-december 15-
subs:64
ok, so i need to lose 2 pounds by tomorrow.. i think i can do. i wasn't hungry ALL DAY yesterday, it was so weird. so i didn't eat like anything. woohoo ! & i went to the movies & got hit on like.. woah, it was so fun. haha, well sub pleaseeee<3 do you guys want another update before christmas?
-december 13-
subs:61
breakfast/lunch:
a hotdog with a piece of bread- 260
half a cup of milk- 50
water- 0
subtotal- 310
dinner:
soup in a cup- 300
*edit
i found a lot of thinspo, so yay (: i'm gonna get a lot more & then just post a few days before christmas because i won't be able to update for about week after christmas, i'll be in maine. KEEP SUBBING (:
*edit again
MY GOAL IS TO BE 130 BY SUNDAY, KEEP SUBBING ! I'm going for a themed mini-post before my christmas one, couples. anyone know where i can get any good couple thinspo pics [with boys & girls] ?
------------------------------------------------------------------
ok so today is another snow day, my second this week. wow. thankfully i'm back to 132.5. Once i break this, i will have been at my lowest weight since 5th grade ! yes, i was really fat. this morning i was extactic, because i'm noticing a change in my stomach. it's getting more shape to it. not abs, necessarily. but it's indenting on the sides, & you can see an outline of the "v". it's hard to explain, but i'm super-physched. (: i'm gonna start doing more ab workouts, i did some last night since i didn't stay after school & run. well i'm on the hunt for thinspo for a few minutes, before i have to go out & shovel.. gr. atleast i can get a mini workout from it !
-december 12-
subs: 58
ah i'm so sorry, no thinspo again. i really am having a hard time finding any i like ! rawr. & also, i've been doing sort of bad in school & i don't want my parents to think it's because i'm on the computer, so i've been trying to cut down my time. & i have dial-up so my computer is slow to begin with, so i have hardly any time looking for pictures. the weekend is when i can really look for some. so once again, i'm sorry but i may only have a mini post or something until saturday or sunday. rawr, so i weigh like 133 or something. wtf, damn scale. i barely ate over 600 cals today. whatever, my weight will be back down tomorrow morning. so i hope everyone is doing well.. & i hope people actually read this because i guess i can really get rambling, plus i type fast so it's not hard for me to write a lot.. haha. hm this is random, but a kid that goes to my school shit his pants on the way back from a wrestling tournament on the bus.. ahhahah ! everyone knows, my god. oh well i am really happy because people have been messaging me & commenting me for advice on losing weight ! i will help you whatever way i can, so ask if you have questions !
-*stay strong.
-december 11-
subs: 53
hm, so i actually lost a pound. and that's weighing myself at night ! i ALWAYS weigh about 1 to 2 pounds less in the morning.. but i also ate like 2 cookies & a package of crackers [210 cals] like two minutes ago. so i'm going to purge that right after this. oh, i hate this. i can't believe the overwhelming feeling of guilt i feel if i DON'T purge. before, i was fine. i dreaded doing it. now i still dread it, but i can't imagine NOT doing it. my feet always manage to move my body to the bathroom, my knees always manage to end up on that familiar place on the rug.. i almost don't even think about it. does anyone else feel like this ? sorry girls, no thinspo tonight. i haven't really got enough for a good post. i may just wait until christmas eve & post a BIG ASS post as my present to you. as always, stay strong bby<3
-december 10-
subs: 48[amazing!]
i'm posting the rest of my thinspo i have on my computer, which means i REALLY better start looking for some more. if you have any good sites, let me know ASAP !
i just don't understand how i've been losing weight !
i've been eating horribly. i'm really nervous, because if i bring home a c or lower for geometry, i can't work out anymore. i can't believe my parents are taking that away as punishment.. i'm so nervous. ugh. i guess i'll have to start fasting if that actually happens. wish me luck !
-december 9-
ok so i am using my brothers keyboard for now. um, i've been eating like a pig but unbelievably i haven't gained any weight. hooray ! ok well i'll just go & post some thinspo nowww.
-edit-
subs:40
ok so here's a pretty good way to find out if your weight is healthy. surprisingly, i'm in the range i need to be in. i'm safe by .2%, but the point is i'm actually not over. anyway, here's the link. the directions are simple:
http://www.seventeen.com/health-sex-fitness/bmi-calculator/
i'm pretty happy, this girl i know actually wants to work out with me because she said i look "really good". little does she know working out is not even half of it. but i'm happy my weight loss is noticeable & has even encouraged someone. my teacher [who is also the one i do the workouts with] asked me if i was dieting because i was "getting skinny". i was like "um. well not really, i pretty much eat whatever i want." it's not like i was lying ! here's something helpful, too:
food sabotage. at first it sounds weird, but if you're desperate, it works. if you're allowed to take your food up to your room, & you really don't want to eat, the second you get to your room, do whatever you can to make your food as unappetizing as possible. i spray mine with hairspray, lotion, perfume, anything. it's weird, but like i said, if you're desperate.. well thanks for subbing, i've alright got 4 more subs !
<3
-*stay strong.
-decmber 5-
subs:33
i have't forgotten about you girllllssss<3
i should be getting a kyboard sunday, so i'll update then. i'm really sorry, my cmputr is just giving me a REALLY hard time. subs&cmmnt!
-*stay strong.
-december 2-
subscribers: 30 [=
running low on thinspo...
-december 1[later]-
-edit-
i hate myself. so fucking much. does anyone else ever feel like this ? like, you're never going to be good enough, you'll never get "that guy", & you'll never be happy...
subscribers: 24 [4 in one day, AMAZING!]
ah this is better ! i can actually type now, my parents are letting my use their keyboard for today. they're at a hockey game. which means i have the whole house to myself ! here's a little update on me:
well i didn't reach my goal weight of 130 today.
weekends aren't usually good for me, because i'm surrounded by food the whole day and i have no means of doing any hard workouts. it's too cold [27 degrees] to go for a jog or walk. but this week in school i did really good. one day i burned 700 cals in one hour, the next day only 250, and the day after 640. i'm gonna try to keep it between 600-700 cals everday next week. besides wednesday, because i go to youth group. also, people seem to think my crush likes me back. i really hope so ! well, please let me know of anymore thinspo sites. i'm gonna post some in a few minutes. love you girlsss<3
-stay strong.
-december 1-
subscribers: 20
hey, can't talk.
i didn't have time to post thinspo.
hope everyone is doing amazingly !
please sub&comment,
you girls are what keep me going.
NEED MORE SITES THAT HAVE THINSPO
LIKE MY SITE, HELP PLEASE !
-*stay strong.
-november 29-
subscribers; 20.
i've been doing great with working out at school. and yesterday i didn't purge at alll.. but i ate like nothing. ergh well it's late, my keyboard still isn;t working, but thinspo update tomorrow. i'm actually getting low on pics, so does anyone know of any thinspo sites with pics like mine, or are any of you girls thinspo owners? let me know! thanks for subbing, i'm sorry i haven't been replying to comments or writing much. i only really have time to update thinspo, and of course my keyboard isn't working.
-*STAY STRONG.
-november 28-
i've been doing amazing, back down to 133. [=
well more on that laterrr. NEW THINSPO!
subs= 18.
-november 27-
SUBSCRIBE!!
-november 26-
suscribers: 14
-later-
thanks for commenting ! my computer is being so slow, so i'm sorry but i can't comment back at the moment. also, my keyboard is once again ot working so i cant really type & i have to use the onscreen keyboard. but i really appreciate the feedback ! good luck to everyone, please comment my second entry !
my fast ? failed. i have come to the conclusion that i cannot fast. first of all, i think i actually gain weight. because then i get so hungry i just eat. i've been losing weight fine with what i've been doing, so i decided to just face the fact i can't fast, and do what i've been doing. well this will be a short blog, i'll update you later. i think my computer has a virus and it keeps exing out internet explorer, so i'm just going to post some thinspo really quick. NEW RULE. the amount of subs=the amount of thinspo pics ! so this next post will have 14 pictures. also, check out the second entry, the wall of motivation. let me know if you think its a good idea. be sure to comment that entry !
-*stay strong.
-november 24-
subscribers: 12
one hundred & thirty six pounds. just fucking kill me. these past few days have sucked. i've been with my friends & at the movies & i've been eating but not purging & ah i already gained like 2 or 3 pounds. i WILL be 130 by december 1. i have to atleast reach ONE of my goals on time. i'm so pissed at myself. how can i be that much of a fatass & just eat & eat like that ? i have yet to complete a 24 hour fast. yes, that's disgusting, i know. i'm so embarrased to admit that. why can't i just fast ? i hate purging !! wow. ok 24 hour fast starting at 12. i'm fucking doing this. THINSPO POST LATER TONIGHT !
-*stay strong.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
[had a small piece of pizza @
around 7 so my parents wouldn't
get suspicious, it was really teeny]
-november 23-
subsribers: 9
so im slightly discouraged that i gained nearly 2 pounds, but i know i can lose it all probably today. i plan on going for a run whenever it stops snowing ! haha. it's still flurrying though. i think i may change the poll early this week. no one is really voting anymore. i'll do that later tonight. no thinspo post tonight, but there will be one tomorrow. how was everyone's thanksgiving ?
-*stay strong.
-november 22-
SUBSCRIBERS: 8
happy thanksgiving ! haha, i mean that sarcastically. i'm not sure about anyone else but i was dreading today. comment and let me know how your thanksgiving went ! here was my day:
i told myself today i just wasn't going to think about it. i would eat in moderation, but until i was satisfied. of course, things change. what actually happened was i ate & threw up. then ate & threw up. then ate & threw up. what bothers me is, at first i didn't think i was bulemic. because i mean, i DON'T want to purge. but now.. it's hard not to. that sounds ridiculous. does anyone else feel this way ? & since i've been doing it for over a month, now after i eat the food just starts to come back up. it's weird, but i have heard of that before. on the plus side, i weighed myself after my binge/purge episode, & i weighed around the same. between 133-134. & i was at my aunts house. this was good for 2 reasons: her scale is in sync with mine, so that means mine is accurate. i was alwayss afraid it was off. & the second reason, purgin is working. i'm telling you girls, it really does work. i've lost about 10 pounds ! atleast 5 people have commented on how much thinner i am. so i'm happy. i'm not going to regret today, because i already decided ahead of time i was going to enjoy myself. although, i thought i'd be able to control my purging.. well girls, i'm updating tonight ! so comment, subscribe, let me know your thoughts !
-*stay strong.
-november 21-
hm, i'm slightly disappointed. after that large post, no comments or subs ! it would really help a lot if i got some more, because then i'll have motivation to do this every day. today i'm going to treat myself, & eat more than i'd usually eat. we get out early today, & my friends & i are walking downtown & going to a cafe. i never eat there, so i'm going to splurge & get whatever i want !
b- one banana
l- ?
d- ?
-later-
bummer, only one more sub.
this isn't cool.
i'll update later.
-november 20-
Total Subscribers: 7
update tonight, girls ! i need to go get ready for school, but just thought i would check my site really quick. from now on i'm going to updte sundays, tuesdays, & thursdays.
-later-
today i was very good ! i didn't eat anything until i got home around 6ish. then i had about 15 pieces of popcorn chicken, a fruit & nut bar, & a package of fruit snacks. & then i purged. i'm trying to slowly wean myself into fasting. i really, really hate purging. & it's getting harder. so now it's almost like i have no choice but to fast. but the best part about all this is that i'm finally down to 133 ! my lowest weight reached so far ! i'm so happy girls ! so an extra big post, i'm loving the comments & subs !
-*stay strong.
-november 19-
i'll add thinspo if i get two more comments & a few more subs.
it just helps to know i'm doing this for more than just two or three people.
i have tons of great thinspo on my computer, so hurry hurry !
as for the poll, fasting seems to be winning... some of you say you don't know how to purge.. shall i post tips ? it's weird, i guess i must really lack will power. plus i can't just not eat, SO MANY people get suspicious. how do those who fast get away with it ? how many pounds do you lose in a week ?LET ME KNOW !thanks !
total subscribers: 5
-november 18-
quick update.
thanks so much for the comments & subscriptions. later i will be posting more thinspo, but i just thought i should let the whole world know i can't go fucking 10 hours without food. i'm so pathetic. i broke my fast within hours. i can't keep throwing up though. not as often as i do. i'm afraid of what will happen.. so, once again, i'm going to try it. i already had some honey bunches of oats for breakfast, which i purged. so i'll say that i started my fast at 12:30. i'm going to go for a walk after this, to burn some extra calories before i weigh in tonight.. the results really shouldn't be any different, because i weighed myself yesterday. so at most i probably lost a pound. which would be great, because i would have reached my goal for the week. well, i'm babbling on. for the poll so far, purgin has the most votes. but only 3 people have voted. so please vote !
-update-
-*stay strong
