May 5th is Cinco de Mayo. Did you know that Cinco de Mayo is a celebration of alcohol and Spanish festivities? You did? Well, good for you. And did you know that you are absolutely wrong about that? Cinco de Mayo marks the day that the French were defeated by the Mexican Army in the Battle of Puebla. Did you know that? Of course not. And I didn't either. Who would? Albeit Google and Jeeves, nobody has access to that kind of historical information on hand (But who asks Jeeves anymore? I mean, really, Jeeves is like the guy that tells you what he kinda knows and then says, "But you can google it just to make sure," therein defeating the whole purpose of asking him in the first place.)
In commemoration of this Mexican holiday, drunks, alcoholics, and English professors will fill up the bars and drink their Western accents away for a Spanish one. How many blank stares do you think I would get if I stood up in a bar, raised a glass, and shouted, "Fuck the French!"? Probably way too many. I just find it amusing that we've taken a holiday that isn't even ours and transformed it to fit our understanding and comfort level.
But this is nothing new.
We human beings -- particularly Western civilization -- will adopt any festivity as our bastard holiday in order to get drunk, eat up, and be the good consumer multi-million dollar corporations want us to be. Don't believe me? Take a look at the facts: Almost every important holiday in the calendar year originated somewhere else and was created for something other than what it stands for today. Halloween, Valentine's Day, Christmas, Easter (For chrissake, Easter! How can you fuck up Easter?) And now, as the Hispanic population rises in America, Cinco de Mayo will be added onto this very long list.
Alcohol is a booming business. If it wasn't enough to drink away your mother's high expectations at Thanksgiving, Cinco de Mayo is here to help.
One day, I intend to create a simple yearly celebration and see what happens to it in the future. If you were to make a holiday today, what would you make? And how do you think Hallmark will fuck it up for you centuries from now?
P.S. And how do you like me pretending to be Featured Question for today?
oh, America. Personally, I hated the idea of featured question. But it caught on. boo hoo.
lol i still have no idea what cinco de mayo is! haha j/k
What about St Paddy's day - everyone's Irish on St Paddy's day even those who have no religion.
Any excuse to have a party really.
Poor Jeeves. I used to ask him questions all the time, but not since Google.
@bryantomato - I like featured question! Featured Question is the bartender to my alcoholic-- It's the only one that'll ask me about myself.
@Meis760 - Just look at a tequila bottle. I'm pretty sure that sums it up ;)
@thinfriendxxo - Yes! That's so true! One day, I said to a co-worker, "Don't forget to wear green for St.Patrick's Day tomorrow!" and he replied, "No. I'm not Irish." That's when it dawned on me that I had been fooled for a very long time. I still wear green on St.Paddy's Day, though. Keeps the pinchers away.
@utlawgirl - Don't worry about it. I heard Jeeves was an asshole who stole people's lunches. I don't appreciate people who'll steal my lunch.
Cinco De Mayo just means I won't be getting any sleep in my inner-city neighborhood tonight.Â
@Drakonskyr - It also means you're not wearing any underpants.
I think they're having Cinco de Mayo on the 6th this year.
@Amandasbiggestfan - Seriously? I hate that. It's not like Jesus or the pagans flipped through their schedule books and said, "Nope, nope -- the 25th isn't good for me this year. How about the 26th?"
I think I remember learning that Cinco de Mayo was about the Mexicans owing some country (probably France) money and were like "Fuck that."
@Zombies_Ate_My_Neighbors - I know. Actually, if you think about it, almost all of the important holidays are based on someone owing something. That's fucked up.
Comments (11)
oh, America.
Personally, I hated the idea of featured question. But it caught on. boo hoo.
lol i still have no idea what cinco de mayo is! haha j/k
What about St Paddy's day - everyone's Irish on St Paddy's day even those who have no religion.
Any excuse to have a party really.
Poor Jeeves. I used to ask him questions all the time, but not since Google.
@bryantomato - I like featured question! Featured Question is the bartender to my alcoholic-- It's the only one that'll ask me about myself.
@Meis760 - Just look at a tequila bottle. I'm pretty sure that sums it up ;)
@thinfriendxxo - Yes! That's so true! One day, I said to a co-worker, "Don't forget to wear green for St.Patrick's Day tomorrow!" and he replied, "No. I'm not Irish." That's when it dawned on me that I had been fooled for a very long time. I still wear green on St.Paddy's Day, though. Keeps the pinchers away.
@utlawgirl - Don't worry about it. I heard Jeeves was an asshole who stole people's lunches. I don't appreciate people who'll steal my lunch.
Cinco De Mayo just means I won't be getting any sleep in my inner-city neighborhood tonight.Â
@Drakonskyr - It also means you're not wearing any underpants.
I think they're having Cinco de Mayo on the 6th this year.
@Amandasbiggestfan - Seriously? I hate that. It's not like Jesus or the pagans flipped through their schedule books and said, "Nope, nope -- the 25th isn't good for me this year. How about the 26th?"
I think I remember learning that Cinco de Mayo was about the Mexicans owing some country (probably France) money and were like "Fuck that."
@Zombies_Ate_My_Neighbors - I know. Actually, if you think about it, almost all of the important holidays are based on someone owing something. That's fucked up.