WILL THE REAL CAPTAIN DOUCHEBAG PLEASE STAND UP?

Against my better judgement, I left NBC on after watching the latest episode of Las Vegas with my future ex-husband Josh Duhamel.  What followed was the second helping of last season's smash disaster, The Restaurant, starring self-promotion guru, and alleged "chef" Rocco DiSpirito.

Partially, I was curious about the show after reading The New York Times' review of this season's drama, and partially the remote was out of easy reach.  This "season", despite Rocco's new "celebrity" status, his restaurant is bleeding cash, Rocco is never there, as he is off gallivanting about promoting you-know-who, and the restaurant's owner and financier Jeffrey Chodorow swoops in to right the ship.

Maybe it's just more obvious to me now, but the editing is almost identical to that done during The Apprentice, which makes sense since both shows are done by uber-producer Mark Burnett.  Of course The Apprentice was a way better show, as Rocco doesn't hold a candle to The Donald. 

Another similarity is that, when someone turns away from the camera, it's pretty obvious that they are being dubbed, so we'll never really know the content of the actual conversation.

It seems that last season's co-infomercial stars American Express and Coors decided not to rejoin Mistubishi in whoring itself all over The Restaurant.  Rocco is now touring about in a new Mitsucrapi sedan.  I guess the overinflated cost of gas hit his SUV of last season, and he traded it in.

After watching the first show of last season's offering of The Restaurant, I was fully prepared to chow down on Mama's meatballs, which would have been easy since I lived just blocks away from Rocco's at the time.  After a couple episodes, however, I saw that may of the customers were complaining about everything; the food, the service, the prices, and so I thought perhaps this is not the restaurant for me.  What cinched it was watching Rocco in action - he is one of the most irritating people I've witnessed on television, behind Omarosa, but ahead of Larry David.  This season, Rocco is annoying as ever - if not more.

The piece de resistance on tonight's episode was Jeffrey's intern, after claiming to have been "in the business" for 15 years, calling Rocco Captain Douchebag.  Oh yeah, Captain Intern is a mere 20 years old - and now out of an internship.  He'll probably end up hosting his own talkshow.

WHAT A GIRL REALLY WANTS

After The Restaurant, and my late local news, I landed on What A Girl Wants on Showtime.  Being a gay man, I'm sure you automatically assume that I know what a girl wants, with all the conversations I have with my various and sundry gal pals and whatnot, but no, I admit I have no clue. 

According to the New York City 18th Street Downtown 1, 9 Train Subway poster, at the time of the film's theatrical release, I was lead to believe that the answer to that omnipresent query was "big black dick".  However, having now viewed said film, I can safely report that, though it would have made What A Girl Wants more interesting and eminently more watchable, there was nary a penis, let alone a black one, to be found.