WHERE'S WALDO? My dear friend Rob directed me to an interesting website that asks a series of questions, then determines where you'd best be suited to living. The site is FindYourSpot.com. My results were as fol…

EUREKA! I found it! I've finally discovered my one true calling in life; to be the next, slightly less-gay, Andy Rooney! Imagine - respect, money and having only to work a few minutes each week. What could be bet…

<This headline censored by Big Brother the U.S. Government> A brilliant piece by Frank Rich of the New York Times: Bono's New Casualty: 'Private Ryan' As American sol…

THE EWW FILE This week's eww file begins with a pictorial: I spotted this delightful beverage in my local grocery store, recently. Yes, Pepsi Holiday Spice, with smoky notes of cinnamon and ginger - just like mo…

THIS MUCH I KNOW IS TRUE If you drive with your handicap placard hanging from your rear-view mirror, you probably ought not be driving in the first place, and you should definitely not be trying to smoke and drive…

FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, PLEASE (DON'T) COME AGAIN Yesterday at work I overheard a customer actually say to one of my coworkers, "Do you know who I am?" For a moment, I thought I was dreaming, as this phrase, though pop…

I may not be happy, but the sky didn't fall and the seas didn't turn red with blood (although if we stay in Iraq much longer they may), so I have to believe that this too shall pass. W certainly didn't run a campaign …

In honor of tomorrow's election day (Wednesday's if you are Republican), I give you my version of the Star Spangled Banner:

Here's a thought: if the Department of Homeland Insecurity is so concerned that the new bin Laden tape contains messages to sleeper cell, stop rebroadcasting it on every freaking newscast!