Weblog » Archives » April 2004

  • TODD'S QUICK 'N EASY HOROSCOPE DU JOUR: Gemini - Perfection; don't change a thing.Cancer - See Gemini.Leo - Can we talk about me for a change?Virgo - I hate you.Aries - That outfit you wore today; burn it.Taurus - You'v…

  • Several days, and million of previously useful brain cells ago, I had an idea for a new reality television show, which I immediately e-mailed to my most trusted advisor - Carolyn to my Donald - David. I called the show …

  • WILL THE REAL CAPTAIN DOUCHEBAG PLEASE STAND UP? Against my better judgement, I left NBC on after watching the latest episode of Las Vegas with my future ex-husband Josh Duhamel. What followed was the second helping of…

  • Yesterday at work, I was confronted with the most glaring sign that my life is going in the complete wrong direction - a girl hit on me. Now I know this doesn't sound like a big deal - I've had girls hit on me before, …

  • Can we all just agree that, until 18ish, we are a highly concentrated, unrefined reflection of our parents? As such, I believe those parents of children like this one need to be punished in addition to the child. In li…

  • The porn industry, conveniently nestled here in the Los Angeles basin, has recently been rocked by the discovery of two of its stars testing positive for HIV. The repercussions have been such that LA County health offic…

  • MY NEW FAVORITE FLAVOR OF SPAM This arrived in my "Bulk Mail" folder today. If only I could write this well. It is pure genius: Subject: Ever Thought To Increase Thickness Of Ur Pe--nis? No Or? clini…

  • A DAY IN THE LIFE OF TODD; A PLAY IN THREE ACTS Act One: Morning. Todd awakens, contemplates the whole of his life, realizes that none of it matters so why bother waking up - ever. Goes back to sleep. Act Two: Mornin…

  • How does one advertise for new friends? "Wanted: new friend(s). Must not be lame like old ones. Please have extensive knowledge of artisanal marshmallows and animal husbandry. Chiseled features optional, but strong…

  • AN OPEN LETTER TO MY FORMER BOSS: Dear Lynne, I feel compelled to tell you that, given the perspicacity afforded me by our time apart, I can tell you with Cartesian certitude that you were the worst boss ever to have d…

  • Today, in our CONVERSATIONS segment, we chat with America's Most Wanted, and aspiring hip hop artist, Osama bin Laden. Below is a transcript of the interview: Your Host: Mr. bin Ladin, you have been accused of some of …

  • Say hello to my new t-shirt/political statement:

  • IT'S NOT A BEAUTY CONTEST... It's a scholarship program! Those were the famous last words of Candace Bergin in the silly Sandra Bullock flick, Miss Congeniality. In last night's "scholarship contest", the Miss USA pag…

  • THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF BEING ME For no reason, it appears as if I am unable to delete the e-mails that are amassing in my inbox. I try to erase them, but they continue to mount. I like to maintain my mailbox a…

  • I AM A MASOCHIST There is no other explanation for my asking "why?" We are a nation at war, with no end in sight, spending billions of dollars every day on a conflict based in lies; we're occupying one of the most oil-…

  • My friend, Superstar DJ Kevin, forwarded me this blind item from Kristin on E! Online: Blind Riddle of the Week: They've got smokin'-hot chemistry on one of the most popular cult classics ever to grace the tube. So, na…

  • THE SQUEAKY WHEEL Yesterday America was betrayed by not one, but two iterations of the same person. Omarosa Rice testified before the 9/11 Commission, then jetted off to Atlantic City to foil fellow Apprentice wannabe …

  • I've been taking feeble stabs at writing clever and witty personal ads. Not real ones, mind you, for those would wind up sounding pitiful and panderous (is that even a word?). I was trying to come up with humorous, fak…

  • It must be nice to finally "go to work" at 11:38 a.m. What makes it all the more ironic is this moron's job actually necessitates him to perhaps go to work a bit earlier.

  • LIFE WORKS IN STRANGE AND MYSTERIOUS WAYS How else could one explain how I was hijacked into watching 100 Girls several months ago, but then forgetting about it until watching 100 Women (aka Girl Fever) tonight. I'd pr…

  • The Passion of The Gibson fueling anti-Semitism? Noooooo, never! I'll say this, if I'm to be held accountable for anyone's demise, I'd prefer it to be Mel's. I'd happily nail his irritating ass to a cross any day of t…

  • EUREKA! I found, what could be THE job of jobs. I can't live without access to soy low-fat lattes, so I won't be applying. It's not that I like said beverage, per se, but I like to know that the option is available to…

  • Rocco DiStupido has decided to put his inane banter and faux wit on display again in a new season of The Restaurant. In the first season, we learned that even hiring actors to spotlight in Rocco's new restaurant, approp…

toddadam

  • Visit toddadam's Xanga Site
    • Country: United States
    • State: California
    • Metro: Los Angeles
    • Birthday: 6/21/1972
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 4/27/2001
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