Monday, July 07, 2008

• Superheroes Pick Rotten Girlfriends

  Dad was telling me about something he read online - the 10 best superhero movies and the 10 worst. Between the two of us, Mom and I got all the ten worst (Catwoman tops the list as being so horrible even Halle Berry in a catsuit couldn't save it) and nine of the best. As we were discussing these movies it (predictably) got me into a rant about superheroes and their pitiful choice of girlfriends. I love watching superhero movies, but I nearly always want to smack the chick. I don't think I can make a list off the top of my head of The Ten Most Awful Superhero Girlfriends On The Face Of The Planet, but I can tell you the top three that spring to mind.
  
  In third place is Lois Lane.
  
  
  She has spunk, I'll give her that - and she can be funny - but for a star investigative reporter, Mad Dog Lane sure is fooled easily by a pair of horn-rimmed glasses and the lack of a curl. I can forgive the rest of Metropolis for their obliviousness to Clark Kent's disguise since most usually only see a blur in the sky, but Lois? Come on! If Perry were ever to find out about Clark before Lois, well, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near that "conversation."
  
  Second place is home to the various paramours of Batman.
  
  
  Since there are a few to choose from, I picked pictures of the first and most recent. Bruce Wayne likes the pretty nut cases. The most recent (Batman Begins - Rachel Dawes) seriously torques me off. She's constantly telling Bruce that he needs to get off his lazy partying butt and do something to help Gotham. Okay, it's understandable that she doesn't know he's the superhot superhero terrorizing the bad guys, but her high and mighty attitude around him (and everyone else for that matter) grates on my nerves. And then at the end of the movie when they kiss the socks off each other and she tells him that cheese about his Bruce Waynian mask. Gag me with a spoon. Like him for who he is and not who you're trying to make him! Come on Batman, you can do better.
  
  Oh, and another thing about Batman - he is constantly telling his girlfriends his little secret. Hello! How many ladies in the city know who he is by now? All the bad guys who haven't figured it out yet have to do is track down his ex-girlfriends. Not the best planning on his part.
  
  *eye roll*
  
  Finally, the number one most loathsome superhero girlfriend that I absolutely cannot stand is...
   
  Mary Jane Watson.
  Although this pictured scene is admittedly pretty darned hot, I can't help but beg Spiderman anyone but her! She makes poor Peter Parker jump through a bajillion hoops, refuses to listen to him or forgive him for an indiscretion and tries to marry everyone and their father. Personally, I think she's a gold digger. Possibly a black widow, which means Spidey better stay on his toes and start web-slinging the heck out of there.
  
  So there you have it - my Superheroes Pick Rotten Girlfriends rant. And who do I think would be a better candidate for them? Myself, of course. And if I had to choose between those three? Yikes. I can narrow it down right away to Superman and Batman. It'd be a hard call - I love goofy Clark Kent, Supersexy Superman, Bada Bling Bruce Wayne, and intensely dark but smokin' hot Batman. How could a girl choose???
  

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