Well, I went today for my a meeting with diabetes educator at my hospital. All in all it was a very informative meeting, and the nurse I met with was very nice. She was about my age (25) and seemed very down to earth. To tell you the truth, I was kind of worried it was going to be someone who was going to give me a bunch of lectures about being overweight and stuff. I am so glad that wasn’t the case.

However, when I got home tonight, I found myself really in a funk. I had to really sit down and examine my emotions before I realized what was bothering me.

As I was waiting to see the educator I was in this waiting room of the part of the hospital that treats diabetics, particularly for wounds that aren’t healing properly. As I sat there filling out my paperwork I couldn’t help but notice what poor shape the people around me were in. They were almost all elderly, but they were in such bad health. It looked like a nursing room waiting room or something filled with people in wheel chairs and people with bandaged legs who could hardly walk. I also noticed a lot of them were overweight.

It wasn’t until I got home that I started to realize why they got to me. While the information the nurse gave me was very informative, it was also packed full of warnings about what can happen if you take care of yourself. I plan on doing so, but there’s always that fear that I won’t be able to stick it out, you know? And it was pretty hard denying the results of not taking care of myself. One day I would end up in a wheelchair or unable to get around myself!

I thought I was pretty well adjusted to the idea of having diabetes, but I think I’ve just begun to really understand all that it encompasses. After all, I’ve only been diagnosed for a month and half now. It just seems so discouraging to have it at such a young age. BUT, at least I found out very early in the disease (7.5 AC1 – avg. 170 sugars). The nurse said most diabetics have the disease 6-10 years before they are ever officially diagnosed. Yikes! Praise the Lord for helping me find out practically by accident when a coworker checked my sugar and saw it was 286.

Well, I suppose I’ve rattled on long enough. Time for bed.

God Bless!

Sam

Well a lot has happened since the last time I posted on here. I found out about a month and a half ago that I have Type II Diabetes. Since then it has become apparent to me that losing weight is no longer a choice if I want to live to be old and gray.

I've lost 14 pounds so far which is exciting. I did awesome out of the starting gate, perhaps motivated by fear and meds that made me very sick at my stomach. Now I've been slowing down, making poorer food choices. I'm getting refocused though. I have too!

Sparkpeople message boards have really been awesome for me. If you've never been to sparkpeople, you should. It's amazing!

Go to www.sparkpeople.com and join. It's completely free and more amazing than any other diet website out there, even the paid ones! :)

Look me up when you get there. My user name is skinny_sam.

God Bless!

The scale is down 3 pounds!

I did okay today. 750 calories MORE than I should have eaten. I blame this entirely on the chicken (make that fried chicken) club sandwhich from Sonic. I had it all planned out - was going to order a grilled chicken wrap. When I did, they said their machine was broken. Uh... I guess the machine that cooks the "wrap" part? Anyway, I panicked and ordered the club. (Duh... I coulda got the grilled chicken sandwhich).

Breakfast - 2 cups apple jacks, 1 cup milk

Lunch - Ham sandwhich on wheat w/mustard, baked chips, 8 oz. coke

Dinner - Sonic Club and motzerella sticks AND DR PEPPER. :(  (YIKES)

Snacks (throughout the day) - Lowfat cheese, Payday candy bar (I was feeling dizzy - needed sugar?), kudos granola bar

Water - 6 cups (oops!)

Oh well. It was okay I guess. There's always tomorrow. :)

MOTIVATION FOR THE DAY: To fit in seats comfortably, without WORRYING first.

NON-SCALE VICTORY: Passing up Shake's frozen custard, the traditional after church on Wednesday night snack. Go me!

Well, I did okay today. I went 900 calories over my sparkpeople limit, but I'm super proud by the fact that I logged down EVERYTHING. I think that's an important first step.

My main downfall today was lack of planning. Tuesday is my INSANE day at work, the day in which I put together the newspaper (I'm a newspaper editor). I never know what time I'm going to get off work. It could be 5 p.m. or 10 p.m., like tonight. I packed plenty of snacks, but they were all carb based. I had a salad for lunch and half a ham sandwhich with not a lot of meat on it. I got really hungry not long after lunch but had no PROTEIN to snack on. I started craving heavy food like crazy. Because I was hoping I wouldn't work so late I didn't bring supper. I broke down and grabbed the two cheeseburger meal through the McDevil drive through. There's no other place to eat where I work. It's literally the only fast food place. I should have planned better.

Still, I'm proud of myself for not going off the deep end. :)

Yeah, me.

Hi Xanga friends. Sorry I've been away so long. Thanks for leaving me notes anyway. You guys are all awesome.

As most of you probably guessed, my silence has been mainly because I've been "off the wagon" so to speak. However, this weekend was a turning point for me. So, here I am again. Back on the beaten path, lifting my face toward heaven and praying for the strength to continue on this time.

I've been struggling terribly with my asthma and I KNOW it's because of all the weight I've gained back. Then there's the matter of buying a size 28W. Oh my gosh. I felt so ashamed!

I had to go to a conference last weekend and came to face to face with every "tubby" person's fear: small seats. We were in this room with ampitheatre type seating, kind of like movie theatre seats but with the desk that folds down on top. The only way I could manage it was to sit in the very outside seat and lean toward the open area. I blamed it on my "claustraphobia," but it was mortifying. Then hubby and I went to eat out this past weekend at a CROWDED restaurant. I was so afraid that they were going to put us in a booth we couldn't fit in. The Lord took care of us though. We got this little two seater booth that was movable, unlike all the other booths which were stationary.

I HATE that feeling of panic, worrying you're not going to be able to FIT into a seat. That's one fear someone should never have. I AM going to overcome this. I AM going to be "skinny" again.

I CAN DO ALL THINGS thorough CHRIST who gives me strength!

One of my spark goals is to journal every day. So here I go. Help keep me accountable guys. If you don't see me on here, send me e-mails. My e-mail is samanthamartin777@yahoo.com.

Thanks!!!!

~Tubby Sue