Wednesday, April 30, 2008
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some good stuff
So this morning, I was praying in bed (cuz I can't seem to get out of bed easily anymore...) and asked God to please send me an angel, or my own personal counselor, and then I remember He is the Counselor.
Isaiah 9:6 "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
Anyway, then I sort of wrote about my feelings, which led to a decision that I want to feel more like myself again. I'm trying to move out of my depression and into some action again, little steps (I already have been). So today I decided I'm going to clean my office at work, and clean up my act there and try to take back some pride there. It felt good to make that decision.
Plus I decided that God is leading me to truly heal some deep shit about my mother. It has even occurred to me recently that dealing with the grief about the miscarriage is preparation for dealing with grief when someday my mother does die (not because she's threatening to do that now, but because hello, it is inevitable someday). My whole life seems to be about trying to complete separation-individuation from her, but her inability to let me, or maybe mine.
But I am me, alone. I am enough. (in Him)
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Comments (2)
That is wonderful. I pray in bed every night, most nights, and I used to be better about it in the morning. It's such a terrific choice to start the day.
You'll never be alone. So many people love you.@eFairy - thank you