I was laughing and smiling when I saw S sitting in the lounge. But something caught my eye in him. It was the shape of his brow, the hurt in his face, the shock that brought him to tears. I asked him what was wrong, if he was okay. His answer was "no."
S's friend from back home passed away. I don't know how, in what context, or why. All I know is that S is sad, angry, broken. As he fiddles with a deck of cards, he ignores my presence. The silence speaks so many emotions, yet no words. I can almost hear the hopelessness in every breath that he takes, every sigh he releases. "Life is a bitch", he says. "So fuck it all".
I don't know what to say. My heart just hurts for him so much. I want to cry for him because his stoic expression worries me. He feels nothing, but feels everything at the same time. He tells me he won't jump off a roof or anything stupid. As much as it relieves me, the pain I feel for him is still intense. Lord, give me words to say.
He blames God. "This is when God screws you over".
I am silent.
I want to tell him about the Love of God. I want to show him. But, he's so angry. He's so hurt. He's so broken. He doesn't even want to look at me, what makes me think he will want to hear about how God is good?
But I hear him next door. I can hear his cries. I can hear him weeping and sobbing through the thin walls. He has lost a friend.
Father God,
Do you hear his cries too? Do you hear his desperate cries of pain? Jesus, you've given me a heart of empathy. But how, Lord, do I tell him about you in this wrenching time? Abba, I intercede for S. Lord, give him peace. Lord, lavish him with your grace upon him and do something in him. Somehow, let him know that you are Sovereign. God, bring him into Your kingdom somehow. Use me if that is your will. Give me courage. Give me strength. Give me a hope in You that I can help bring to him. Jesus, hearing his cries, seeing his tears, I know that only you can heal. Jesus, only you can heal. So, please, heal us. My Father, my God, heal us.
Amen.
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