I'm doing better. I've slowly begun to make my way up the spiral. But, to tell you the truth, I had to hit rock bottom before I could begin my ascent.
The past week has been hell. It's still incredibly hard, and I can feel the struggle in my face. It hurts. I've been tried with conflicting emotions, thoughts, people, etc. But I eventually realize that God isn't willing to let me go. I'm not going to go into detail about it (if you want to know, just ask me), but it was quite a process of realization and self-denial. I've realized how hurt, angry, and unrighteous I've been. And today in worship, singing the words "clothe me in your righteousness" and "this is our cry, be glorified"said it all.
He's holding onto me tight. He won't let go. So, I suppose I won't either.
Cue said something today that really struck me: "Love isn't real until it's been tested". This isn't just true for human relationships; it's true about my relationship with God, and trust me, my relationship with God was most definitely tested this week. But, I think He's calling me to get to know him better. Maybe I've had a misconception of Him, or maybe different expectations. Maybe I didn't expect enough.
I think God is asking me to delve and dwell in the Old Testament. I think He wants to show me something, tell me something. I'm excited to meet Him there.
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