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| So, I feel like the last entry I wrote was a week ago, not 5 weeks ago; and now that i'm closer to graduation, a week away, that I just don't care. I don't care about people who don't care about me and one person in particular has changed SO MUCH to me it's sad, yet I don't care because, they don't care, so then why should I? I'm happy I never have to see these people ever again that I hate and fake being nice too. 2 and a half months and i'm out of here only coming back to see people I actually like. I will love that life, just like I do now, just more. | | |
| So generally I've been doing pretty well. I haven't had a chance to write down my thoughts because i've been boycotting the computer since about the last entry. I thought I was doing well until things started staying in my mind for longer then they should, just lately. I've had so many thoughts that I need to get out into the open but I don't want to necessarily say them out loud to people because in the past 3 days, I have never even thought some that I built so much trust in with all my secret can stab me in the back from the front, and I don't think it's the part where I can just forget it because this was and used to be my close friend and honestly I don't know why we're not friends because the blame game can be used against someone forever too. I feel as though I can't be safe with my thoughts without me getting upset for holding them in, and I've just hate this feeling of vulnerability. | | |
| I've realized that all my posts aren't exactly about me. I guess they are but at the same time, i'm writing them based on my friends broken hearts and the past I rememer I had those feeings once too, but in the end we're all still here. Right now i'm trying to forget you, but I can't, because probably 75% of the time you break up with someone, it's for another love. | | |
| People and why they do what they do. I'm interested in meeting someone real, real as in genuine because no one seems to be. If you have something to say, say it. Say how you feel and don't let anyone's feelings get in the way of that, because sad but true at the end of the day, you only have yourself here and your thoughts. Those thoughts can drive you crazy, especially if in the pit of your stomach you think the people you love are lying to you, to not hurt you, but they are, so you question, do they love you, if they lie to you? I want to meet someone who will love me and not lie to me but tell me the whole truth of their lives, if I get mad then i'm not truely loving them for who they are. Reading my last entry, I remember what happened after 4:42, on Dec. 11th. We hung out, and it was like it used to be the previous week before, it was great, and it has been until like today again, a week later. I hate that you're doing this to me, but i'm not liking myself anymore for letting you. | | |
| I'm not crawling for a second chance, i'm screaming at the top of my voice. The problem is you're to unpredictable, and it scares me because I have no clue, absolutely none on what is going to happen next. For once that's all I can say except a big .... after it, now I know where .... comes from: someone with a sad heart and nothing to say about it because all the words can't explain how we are all feeling at one point on our lives. I know I sound pathetic but I just need this time to understand why things happen and why we let them happen, we ask ourselves these question and what if we could of done something different, but it's over. That is the answer to the questions, a simple it's over and none should be asked no more, or else we'll all kill ourselves asking the questions we'll never get truthful answers for. | | |
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