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xSuicidalxDreamsx
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read my profile
sign my guestbook
Birthday: 6/2/1900
Gender: Female
Interests: Cutting ... playing guitar ... writing poems ... and a bunch of other things
Expertise: Don't know
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/18/2003
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| Yeah yeah yeah I never use this thing anymore.
I'm always using my other xanga name. (It's My_Grandmas_Punk) But yeah
I just forget about this one somethimes. So I think i'm just going to post up my poetry in it ... so here is one I did last night ...
I sit and dream of the boy I adore
Feels like Ihave so much more
He's always in my heart
and He will never leave that oart
As much as I think things do not matter
they end up being one of the best things in life
So stay true to your thoughts
Please say you will never change
Stick with me and we will both make it through
I feel as if I could love you
But how's that possible?
Could I have loved you all along?
You are so freat I could have never imagined you and I
Thank you for sweeping me off my feet
making me feel like I actually mean something to the world
like in the love song by The Cure when he says
"whenever i'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again"
that's exactly how you make me feel
I hope you realize how much better you have made me feel.
i haven't written in awhile ... so ... it's sucky
well i'm off like a dirty shirt ... LATER
"with words and music so soft playing in my ear .. I can only dream" | | |
| So yeah haven't updated in awhile. Thanks guys for the comments I apperciate them! =) You guys are sweet. Well anynway, I appreciat everything that has happened. I saw OZMA They were awesome. Like the 29th, and i'm pretty sure i'm going to a show sunday. Well yeah i'm talking to Ryan(johnson) the best boy ever! =) Hehe. He never reads this xanga. ioh well ... we have like a deal and stuff. Well anyway. bah. today I cried alot and did really nothing. But yesterday (thursday) I had ALOT of fun with Erica and Michelle and michelles boyfriend Joe. Hanging out with old friends is always fun! =). Man. I love it. well I better get going it's alittle late. but eh oh well ...w ell alright goodnight all you guys =)
<33
oh yeah I forgot I wrote a poem and a song here is the poem
Say Goodnight to the one you adore,
because she'll be lying dead on the floor.
To many pills that she had took,
Her life was like an open book.
She was miserable, as usual,
But her life changed at her funeral.
Her parents were sobbing and wondering why.
But they were the reason causing her to die.
and here is the song ...
Hold your breath, don't say anything
Your life has circled, like a perfect ring
The look in your eyes don't say goodbye
one last kiss, you fall down and cry
(Chorus)
I see you cry
watch me die
when I look in your eyes
Watching you as you walk away
I had nothing left to say
you turn around and I turn my face
you watched me die by deaths embrace
(chorus)
sounds way better with guitar .. later guys .. | | |
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Last night was super fun.
Last night I went to a show. These were the bands in order they played. Playing For Keeps (formerly known as Shotgun Vegas), Fear Before the March of Flames, Gastbys American Dream, and then No Way Out. That was a show I was pleased with all the bands. The singer from PFK was sooooo sexy. Well the second one. Anyway they did really good. My friend had told me they were good before but I never listened to them. Well I found out they are good. Well then Fear Before The March Of Flames me erica anna and sara were at the front of the stage for them. The did awesome. They were really good the lead singer kicked adam. It was funny. Then like they kept pushing eachother randomly. The lead singer gets crazy. I love it hahah. Then Gastby's American Dream. Still atr the fron of the stage but just with erica. OH man they did spectacular. The basist Ryan fell on me and some other chick while he was playing. But I didn't even realize till his face like hit my shoulder. Then I start ed to push him up. I got all his sweat on me. Eh ... well then, after they played he gave us a free pick, which is awesome. Haha. Then No Way Out last band, they did so good. Monica told me I would like them and I did. Haha ... overall the night was really fun. My bro came and picked us up and then we went to 7-11 and got nachos. Yummm. hahah ... then I called my mom and asked if I could stay the night over here and she said yes. So now i'm at monicas right now typing this. Nothing to do I think she is cooking something right now. SHe always cooks something when she is at my house haha. Well anyway i'm going to go. Just wanted to say that last night was alot of fun. Well byeee and I finally had some fun!! Geez ... later | | | |
| I'm back to my fucking depression stage.
Honostley, I don't know. I have been cutting again lately. I thought I could stop. But I guess I can't. I need to see the doctor or something. I haven't posted in this thing in a long time. Like a REALLY long time. I guess I just kind of stopped ya know. I don't know. I like this xanga it makes me feel better. So I find out i'm kind of a pill popper. I have been taking so many pills. But I mean I get really bad headaches. Infact I have one right now. I don't know. I went to warped tour yesterday. It was fun. I liked it alot. I really haven't gotten much comments but I understand why cuz I haven't posted in so long. It doesn't matter I don't matter anymore. I want to die. Man I thought I was getting better i'm not. I'm just getting worse ya know. I tell myself "Caris you will get better everything will be okay, things will change in the end" It doesn't fucking happen. I don't know I have lost so much faith in myself. I don't care anymore. I just don't want to care anymore. It sucks I don't know why i'm acting this way. Do I like want attention or something? My life isn't <I>that</I> fucked up as some peoples are. I mean I live in my past and I can't get out of that. I'm so dumb. I took another 6 pills woo go me. I almost fainted. I felt it. I hurt my body all over. I still hurt. I like dashboard confessional they really make me feel better. I don't know ... anyway I will try and update this thing more often to let you guys know how i'm doing or what not. Not like many people read it anyway .. .so yeah bye.
-Caris | | |
| Wow ... I haven't posted up in this in a long time.
I post in my other one I just forget about this one. I don't know ... like I have been doing so much better. But like I cut myself again ... but like that doesn't matter cuz I mean I feel really good like, everything has changed so much and everything is going okay, WAY better than it used too. There is this guy named joel. WOOEEE He's gorgeous haha. Anyway yeah, I finally got my courage up and talked to him and stuff. cuz like we were at this Peter Piper PIzza thing and we got locked in till 6 in the morning. So from 10L30 to 6 I only got 30 mins of sleep there. Then when I got hom only 5 hours. Now I have black under my eyes and semi-bags. Then last night I went bowling and to denny's it was fun. Heh well alright I have to get going and stuff ... *also need to restart* byee kids | | |
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