My cat needs brushed

Friday, April 25, 2008

My cat needs brushed
Currently Watching
The X-Files - The Complete Sixth Season (Slim Set)
By X-Files, Monique Edwards
see related
"Walkin' to the south out of Roanoke, I caught a trucker out of Philly. Had a nice long toke, but he's a headed west from the Cumberland Gap to Johnson City, Tennessee, and I gotta get a move on fit for the sun. I hear my baby callin’ my name, and I know that she's the only one. And if I die in Raleigh, at least I will die free. So, rock me mama like a wagon wheel. Rock me mama anyway you feel. Hey mama rock me. Rock me mama like the wind and the rain. Rock me mama like a south-bound train. Hey mama rock me."

     I've been trying to figure out for a half an hour what these tears are from or who they're for. Is it just residual sadness left over from past events? Is it bittersweet joy? Is it worry? I think about her hands on my body, her arms around my waist, her kisses to try and calm me, and it works, to a point. How can I miss her so much in the span of hours, minutes even? Her face sits clearly behind my eyelids, her lips curled in a smile, and I wish she were here. These tears keep falling, keep dripping onto my shirt and onto the cat, but he doesn't seem to mind. He nuzzles his head against my chin, silently asking for attention, and I don't deny him. My stomach growls, and I ignore it, scrolling through the contacts on my phone looking for someone to call, someone to tell me that it's ok to cry, someone to tell me it's just PMS or stress, but I know they're all asleep. This is too stupid to wake them up for, and if I'm not really sad, but I'm not really happy, what am I? Why are my cheeks still wet? Why do my eyes still burn? I light a cigarette and try to forget that I'm alone, that I want someone here with me, but the air conditioning kicking on only reminds me how empty this house is at night. The cat purrs softly, closing his eyes and falling asleep on my lap, and I wish I could do the same.

     Blah. I don't know what's wrong, if anything's wrong. I think my PMS is just crazy insane this time around, because my period is late due to stress. Yeah, I think that's it. Why can't I just bleed already?

     I love that song up there. I've found like four different versions, but it sounds so much better when Chub sings it. Heh.

     And since I don't feel like looking through my icons, I'm opting for one of my favorite LOL cats instead.

     Later, my loves.