Shake me down to the soil of the dream

Monday, April 28, 2008

Shake me down to the soil of the dream
Currently Listening
Dilate
By Ani DiFranco
Done Wrong
see related
"You are subtle as a window pane, standing in my view, but I will wait for it to rain, so that I can see you. You call me up at night when there's no light passing through, and you think that I don't understand, but I do. We don't say everything that we could, so that we can say later, oh, you misunderstood. I hold my cards up, close to my chest. I say what I have to, and I hold back the rest."

     Lesson learned. Enough said.

     So, what's new? Not much. Still looking for a job. Still turning in applications. Is this ever going to end? Nothing is going right lately. It's ridiculous. As soon as there's a glimmer of a chance, KERBLAMBOOMFUCKINGSPLAT. And it's gone. Like it never was in the first place. Just gone. And I'm still sitting here wondering what the fuck just happened when I blinked my eyes. And I've realized, while watching Twister, that life is just one big natural disaster. It's a hurricane, tornado, earthquake, tsunami, typhoon, avalanche all rolled into one. It's one big survival race. Who's still standing at the finish line? Who even made it to the finish line? Who cares if you didn't make it?

     I've been having trouble sleeping. This past month has not been enjoyable in the sleep department. I just lay there, staring at the ceiling. I can't fall asleep. And during the three to four hours that I do fall asleep, if I am that lucky, the dreams I have are quite metaphorically ripping out my heart. It's like my subconscious hates me and is punishing me for something. And it makes me angry. Why can't I just dream about unicorns and rainbows and little faeries with lollipops and talking forest creatures? I'd even prefer strange sex dreams, like leprechauns getting it on with woodchucks or just ducks having sex. Duck sex. Whatever. Any of it would be better.

     I need to go to an allergist before I cut off my nose with a kitchen knife.

     "I'm going to give you the choice I....never had."

     Later, my loves.