Saturday, March 08, 2008

• I'm such a hypocrite

  Currently Reading This Lullaby By Sarah Dessen see related

  I really, truly, believe I am. I wrote a couple entries about people bitching and complaining about their lives. And what do I do? I write one yesterday saying how upset I am. Someone needs to pinch me or something bring me back to reality. I have it made, seriously. I thought about it last night. Nothing should get to me, my life has all the essentials and more. Great guy, great family, great friends, great life. period.

  Nothing should get to me. I shouldn't feel alone about anything, I have someone who knows me better than I may even know myself. He's always there for me. He's my stability, and i bored him to death with my depressiveness yesterday, which I feel kinda bad about doing, because it probably was not bunches of fun for him. But I hope he knows how much it means that he listens, every time I get in a mood like this. I'm normally the one listening, but he let's me talk, and I thank him for that. Thanks hun <3

  I guess what made me realize my hypocrite-ness was last night, in the rain. I got out of my car and stood there. It was raining hard but I didn't care. I stood there thinking, about nothing in particular at all. Just the lousy mood I've been in and how it needs to end. For good. Be buried in some dark closet I'll never open again. That kind of thing. I love my life, and the people in it, I should reflect the happiness they give me, so they see how great they make my life. How much I appreciate them. How much I appreciate him for allowing me to keep my sanity. You know who you are.

  It's funny how I got all this from standing out in the rain. But I guess philosophical type thoughts like this come out when you least expect it. Now I remember what my grandma told me when I was little, about the rain. She said that the angels were crying. I always wondered why the angels were so sad, as to cry so many tears causing the worst of rainstorms. It took me several years, and I realized yesterday that they aren't tears of sadness always, but could very well be tears of joy. And that's what my tears last night were. Tears of happiness.

   

  • 9:24 AM
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