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| Gang Control - Leftover CrackFour hour laptop rentals make college that much sweeter, I just wish I didn't have a stupid freaking time schedule. I'm starting to get sick of the whole head games thing. I really hate it when people don't say what they mean, I don't feel like picking apart your multiple ironies (which I did teach a 50 minute lesson on). I don't want to have to wonder, "hm, when they say that it's okay, is it really okay or is it just a bait?"
I HATE THAT!
Seriously! Stop messing with my head, it kicks my "racing thoughts" into overdrive and I REALLY DON'T APPRECIATE IT! Say what you mean, mean what you say. That should be a law. Seriously. And if you broke it, you'd get ten lashings!
Well I was in a good mood...I had my four hour laptop and I had finally turned in the stupid Sky Log for Descriptive Astronomy and my hair actually looked decent. AND THEN...my plans get ruined, my laptop ran out of battery, and my contacts decide to dry out again.
I swear, just that one little conversation has thrown me off today D:
Oh well - it'll be okay.
-Yami-
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| Under the Knife - Rise Against After years of analyzing it, I've come to the realization that the reason behind all of this is the clashing factors of my desire to be myself and feeling obligated to be the perfect Asian stereotype. Everything in my life seems built upon that and now that I have the key to my distress, maybe I can make things a little better for myself.
But it's still the fact that I'm continuously over-analyzing myself and everything around me. My mom and psychologist think I'm (mildly) bipolar, my doctors are trying to figure out if I'm anemic or have an under active thyroid, and to top it off, my boyfriend thinks I have ADD. I think if people would just STOP telling me that there's something wrong with me, life would be just a little easier. Growing up thinking something is wrong with who I am and how I function on a day-to-day basis is a little crippling at times.
That's all for now, too many "racing thoughts".
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| What do you think is the biggest mistake that people tend to make in relationships?In all honesty, lately all I've been hearing from my peers is "Oh my god, I'm so in love with him/her!" Okay kids, remember my previous rants about love? We're all too young to do the whole I-am-so-freaking-in-love thing. Granted, it's not about actual chronological age, I'm talking about how old you are in your heart and in your mind. Think about it, do you really know this person? How long have you two been dating? One year isn't going to tell you that you've found your soulmate (there are rare occassions, the operative word being RARE). I've made the mistake a few times too, we're just not old enough. You can love a person, of course, but to be in love (not puppy love) is something that takes time, patience, blood, sweat, and tears. Love is not sunshine and rainbows. Love is passion, fire, pain, happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, humiliation - it's everything. Love is not just cute. Love has the power to break someone, to strip them of all dignity and pride. Love has the power to bind someone, to heal someone, to hurt someone. I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too! | | |
| The Good Left Undone - Rise Against This is fucking rediculous, I get bullied into deleting my Myspace account, not like deleting that account was a big deal or anything but still, what the hell? Why am I letting that happen? This is just like every past relationship I've had, or at least, it's starting to become that way and I thought having this fiery temper would help things, you know, I could stand up and protect myself and stuff. The problem is when someone is screaming in your face, you're not sure whether the point you're arguing is even valid anymore. I let my temper get to me and I end up blowing up more than I should, believe me, it's really not pretty to see me lose my temper. And when I mean "lose", I mean that you see a side of me that you've never seen before. Not a lot of people have witnessed how angry I can get I guess but everything this week has come together to make me want to just scream.
Does everybody remember the whole Tweak fiasco? He finally got out of jail ladies and gents, and he's bothering me. AND HE HAS PICTURES OF ME ON HIS STUPID WEBSITE! ARGHHHH!!!!! I'm sick of being looked at as a fucking sex object, I'M A PERSON! HELLO WORLD! I HAVE RIGHTS TO AS LIMITED AS THEY ARE THEY EXIST!! I'm sick of this, I'm really sick of this. This is just one of the MANY things on the list. I'm contacting his Probation Officer either tonight or tomorrow. This is going to stop. Right. Now. No more pictures of me. No more strange phone calls late at night. Nothing. I'm not going to be a nice person anymore.  I'm sick and tired of trying to be nice - I know I've said it so many times before but you know what? I'm really tired. I'm tired of getting fooled into thinking that there are more than a handful of good people in this world. People are slaves to their emotions. The human emotion is so easy to manipulate, it's hard. Every eomtion has a response The response is based off of the infinite variables involved. I know I've advanced throughout the years, I take less shit and I know how to take a punch or two.
I say that I can't take all of this stress but I know I can. I know I can because I'm not on my way over to the Y-Bridge. Because I'm still thinking about my future. I'm not blind, I'm sure my future will have different people in the picture than the people here now. I just have to keep pushing through. Part of me just wishes that I could be reborn and do more, to be able to really make a difference instead of scrambling like I am now.  I just need to keep pushing, yes, that's right, I can do it. I've gotten to the point where I'm not so concerned about whether or not I'm doing this with someone or alone. I might pine for someone to love and understand me, but people are naturally selfish creatures. We are self-absorbed and it is human nature to think "self-preservation above all". So if I indeed have to start this whole love thing all over again, maybe I'll wait a little longer. I don't think I have the energy to do it again, but deep down inside I know that that's a lie. I know I can do it again and again and again until I cease to exist, it's all about being motivated. And by that, I'm talking about life in general. I've been called lazy and unmotivated, both of which are true.
I realize that I need to keep pushing myself because just merely surviving isn't enough. I have to be starving for that success, straining and about to fall until I know I will feel completely satisfied with my life. Just succeeding isn't enough and I mean that that's how I feel about myself. I know I need to go above and beyond to be able to truly rest in peace. Wish me luck. -Yami | | |
| Through the Darkness - Tiger Army College has been harder lately, but life is easier. I think I just need to start sleeping better? Maybe, that might be a good idea and yet here I am at 1:32 AM messing around. I do have an excuse technically, I'm supposed to be working on my project for English Composition II. We have to present tomorrow and have so far talked for the whole of five minutes. Thanks guys, at least one other group mate was on it. Thanks Keia, you're a sweet heart!
I had more to this entry and my computer decided it was hungry and ate it D:
Perhaps I'll write more later? We'll see... | | |
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