Saturday, May 10, 2008
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What is the best age to have children? Why?
Kids are great, and there's no magic number age-wise that is the "best" for everyone. However, there is an important situation in which to have children:
Number ONE: with a loving SPOUSE. Kids need two parents, and they need love and security. If you aren't married, it's probably not a good time to have children.
I would also suggest waiting until you no longer have the word "teen" in the number of your age...
I personally waited until I was almost 30 to have my first kid, and I definitely feel like I was ready and that I had a chance to "enjoy life" before I became a mom. ("Enjoy life" = be selfish, not in a bad way).
Nobody's story is the same. Some people have kids nine months after they get married, and it's great. Some people wait a long time before having kids, and it's also great. Some people adopt, and it's great. Once you are committed to having a kid (like, when you're pregnant), it's a great time to have a kid. Kids are a gift from God, and there are many blessings that come along with having them. There are lots of challenges, too, but that is part of the depth of forging a parent-child relationship.
p.s. I have several friends who are adoptive/foster single parents, and I totally don't think they made a bad decision by becoming a parent. I also have friends who are single parents, or unmarried parents, and I would never condemn them or say that they did a bad thing by becoming parents. I just think that the most ideal situation in which to have a kid is when you are married.I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!
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Comments (9)
Thats true, two parents are usually best, but I think that each parent should be able to take care of the kid on their own if need be.
i am glad you put the last paragraph in there. i am glad you are open to single parents and that you recognize that just because there isn't two parents, doesn't mean that kids are going to have an awful life. too many are ready to just jump up and condemn before they even assess the situation! your kids are beautiful!
@ghilliekitten - Most definitely!! Each parent should definitely be able to take care of the kid on their own. :) Two parents are important because they interact with the kid differently, they give the kid experience with both genders, they model how a husband and a wife, a mother and a father should behave.
@theawesomebrittany - Single parenting is definitely a fact of life for a lot of kids (and parents!) I know it must be so hard to do... my heart goes out to single/divorced parents. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be!
I think the best 'time' (rather than age) to have a child is when you feel ready, when you feel you've accomplished a lot that you might not be able to do while you take care of an infant/toddler. You can do a LOT with kids that you can without (it's a total myth that you have to give up your life to raise a kid), but I think for some people it just makes parenting easier if they do a lot of "selfish" things before becoming a parent. Less resentment toward their time being taken away.
However, there are plenty of people who only dream of being a parent so if that means having a child when they marry at the age of 20, then it's the right time for them.
The answer is: There is no "right" answer. But, I like your thoughts on the matter!
It's hard work to be a parent and having two parents certainly makes it easier especially if they both pitch in. I always say, "The dads should practice taking the kids every other weekend before there's a divorce." Think how happy moms would be if they had a good solid break and how much bonding would happen between dad and the kids. It's hard work to raise kids and everyone, including single parents, need some back up and rest.
It's a big investment....twenty or so years...but the pay offs are immense! I'm enjoying the fruit of my investments....
For sure..it would be best if parents (in whatever circumstance) are in partnership with God...the occasions for prayer just grow as the kids grow!
As a single adoptive mom by choice, I have been asked "what were you thinking?" Not everyone comes out and asks it quite the same way, but nonetheless they have this attitude like it was a bad thing to do. Tell my four and a half year old that it was bad thing. She doesn't understand the concept of adoption, and as far as she is concerned I'm her mom. I don't have all the answers formulated when the questions will inevitably come, but we do talk about how we look alike.
Now if you saw my daughter side by side with me, you may be one of the many who think how can you possibly tell your daughter you look alike? Well, for starters, we both have brown eyes, one nose, one mouth and one heart. We listen with two ears and we love with all we have. It may sound a bit like the movie Tarzan, but Kala knew what she was talking about when she explained how she could love someone so different than her.
Choosing to be a single adoptive mom was an easy choice for me. The first time I considered adoption was when I was 18. Since I was 12 years old I had dreamed of getting married and being a stay-at-home-mom. I choose college and wouldn't change a thing about my life. I was in the middle of my graduate program when I fell in love with Madalyn. I finished my degree and a year later we finalized the adoption. It was the best and scariest day of my life.
I don't think any parent can say they have never been without fear when it comes to raising children. Whether these children come from our wombs or someone else's they are our gift from God to take care and teach and most of all love.
When people ask why I didn't go out and get pregnant, I tell them, there are plenty of children in need of loving homes, why not help one of them? Each one, reach one. We can all have a positive affect on the lives of children whether our own or someone else's.
Not all people are called to be parents, but there are those without children who know how to love and be the support system many parents lack. I can't say every step has been easy, but can you? God has never given me more than I can handle and being Madalyn's mom is just one more step in the direction God has called me to go.
@melamax23 - I was totally thinking of you when I put that last part on the entry. I think you are AWESOME for adopting!! Thanks for commenting!