忘記背後

作曲/作詞/監製：高皓正
編曲：Terry Ko@153 Studio

主耶穌　我的生命一團糟
何以　我竭力做對　但我又跌倒
想好好去做　偏偏未夠好
承諾今天開始改過　說完又退步

怎祈禱　錯失的才可彌補
何以　每次我做錯　總有你懷抱
很想走窄路　很希望變好
回望一生之中鋪滿了塵土

忘記我背後　遙望這標竿已在前頭
或者又做錯　不怕撐起來繼續走
神賜我自由　從今一切不可變能夠
這日未能做到別放手　再別回望往日多少的內疚
來到白晝

可能嗎　我怎可如此祟高
憑我血氣最後也不夠我達到
只等祂帶路　等祂為你鋪
無盡傷感於今天化作祈禱

忘記我背後　遙望這標竿已在前頭
或者又做錯　不怕撐起來繼續走
神賜我自由　從今一切不可變能夠
這日未能做到別放手　再別回望往日多少的內疚
來到白晝

忘記我背後　朝著這標竿繼續漫遊
定睛十字架　不怕撐起來繼續走
難過別淚流　耶穌今已稱呼我朋友
這日未能做到別放手　再別回望往日多少的內疚
如今經已得救

小房間‧大世界

懂我的人便知，我很愛讀地圖。最近逛逛書店，發現原來一大張過了膠的世界地圖，才是港幣三十五元正。大大的貼在牆上，成為了那開始有點發霉的牆紙上最美最有意思的點綴。每次回家坐下來，電腦還未開時，漆黑的螢幕成為了一面鏡子。在背後的世界地圖，不偏不倚，清清楚楚的落在鏡子中間。如是望見，每次也會讚賞一下自己的決定，亦自我陶醉於那放眼世界的視野觀點。

開了電腦，有時只顧看書而無用電腦，一段時間之後，回望螢幕，縱橫文字的書桌即時變成了太空船於星際間穿梭，那塊鏡子又一次將身後的地圖反射過來。突然眼前出現了一幅很有意思的圖畫：身後是大世界，眼前是無邊的宇宙。能否真的放眼世界？昔日的理想還在嗎？拿出相機，拍下來，但願睡房中浩瀚的一隅，所思、所想、所許諾的，都不會是夢話。

Canton Easter Trip

Due to busy life, I haven't posted anything on xanga for like half a year. I know many people are about to unsubscribe me, so for the compensation, I hereby present the latest album of my Easter trip.

(Click on each photo for enlarged versions.)

The Yunnan lady in traditional costume was selling their artwork and needlework. Actually they are not making a big fortune; it may be just enough for them to take care of their families in hometown.

A mask of terrible face, must be something about religion.

The name of the bar is obviously the very surface reason for putting the photo here. Well, but I am thinking, 吧 may mean "bar", or it may be an exclamation. LOL.

The installation art of a hill of several hundred beer bottles. I chose an angle from the top for a funny pattern.

This decoration was found inside a hotel. Forgive me, I have to say, though horrible, this was like hanging a whole lot of eyeballs over the ceiling.

A mini exhibition showing some traditional Yunnan figures.

Again, Yunnan ethnic minority.

　
It was the first time for me to ride on these cable seats. From my expression you know I was not calm at all.

　
It seems that there must be a love-stone or a love-tree everywhere in China. Along with that, you probably can see a lot of love-locks, which mean locking two hearts forever. (But you see, all hearts are locking together =P)

After going up the hill, we slided down the hill in like 2 minutes. Very exciting.

A main dish of this trip: Safari Park. This was the entrance.

Camel, IT STINKS.

Tiger, powerful creature. I always associated tiger with Tomb Raider, since when I first played II, this was the first enemy I needed to kill. LOL.

Wow, don't you think this lion looks like a king?

Zebras. I was just like stepping on the Afraican savanna.

Giraffe licking the tree. Any biologist is going to explain this to me? For marking its own territory?

Truly amazing owl. Stereotype or not, owls are intelligent, aren't they?

A whole pond of storks. But yea, you can see them in Kowloon Park as well.

Pelicans were the funniest birds I knew, with their mouth exceptionally large.

Monkeys are like human, they can concentrate.

We all know that parrots are beautiful and smart.

Family Photo

A great circus show you cannot miss. It is worth watching even if you go in JUST for the stage setup and lighting.

Busy bees.

Physics of concave mirrors can explain everything.

　

　
The flowers were not bad, but definitely not impressive as well. If you find them good, it was surely because of the photographer.

The best image ended the trip.

矛盾‧荒謬

一個自以為對感情拿捏得很準確的人，原來是最不能控制自己的情感。半夢半醒之間，還留戀往時的光景；稍一定神，卻是充滿著唏噓和歎息。心內陣陣的痛楚，就是鐵一般的證明。現實與想像，這兩個情節往往不能重疊。面對這種矛盾帶來的荒謬，點一支香煙，喝一杯烈酒，仰天長嘯；但終究也掩蓋不下那無力控制命運所帶來的無奈。忽然，作家們在煙霧濔漫中淋漓盡致揮筆寫作的情景，好像都明白了。幻想抽煙，於我而言，亦是另一個荒謬。

想做的事情，做不了；不想做的事做，卻又偏偏做了。後者的傷害往往比前者大，就似是不想殺人卻又揮了刀，比想救人而救不了，帶來更大的內疚感。本想在混亂的思緒中狠狠的發奮而寫；畢竟文章的靈感在低落的時候會特別的充裕，也特別的真實。可惜，江郎已才盡，黔驢技窮；使了九牛二虎，也只是擠出兩、三句令人搖頭的句子。唯有安撫自己，歸咎於感覺的抽象，和沒有抽煙的習慣。最後只有極不情願的將散落在思緒的零碎感覺，繼續留在腦海浮沈。或許有一天，它們會漂到同一個岸邊，串連成另一個的故事。想寫卻又寫不出，這很難受嗎？有甚麼比明知不能喜歡，卻又倒頭愛上的滑稽更痛？

──────────

Playlist of the time:

Pop! Goes My Heart - Hugh Grant
Don't Write Me Off - Hugh Grant
Way Back Into Love - Hugh Grant; Haley Bennet
知足 - 五月天
第一次 - 光良
對你有感覺 - 光良; 江美琪
星晴 - 周杰倫
最愛 - 周慧敏
時光中飛舞 - 陳文媛; 李籠怡
我問我 - 董敏莉
生日快樂 - 劉若英

Thank you top friend.

Books for Fools (or not)

For long Lyndon and I have joked on the yellow book - the DUMMY series. The famous lemonish coloured cover with the eye-catching title of "XXX for dummies" can be easily recognised, where XXX can be basically any random topics you come across. Every element on the cover just makes a perfectly successful trademark that it may be the only book that makes the proverb "never judge a book by its cover" obviously and trivially fail AT ALL TIMES. It is particularly annoying - almost every book in the series, it comes along with the figure of a stupid man, which is the dummy, which also means YOU the reader. Damn it, I just have to admit I am the dummy if I ever have to buy such book. You can surely imagine how spectacular when you see a whole shelf, actually a whole column of yellow books in the store, I guess it is just like that you see a whole column of toothpastes or toilet papers in the supermarket.

Lyndon and I suggested a way of reading such yellow book. Say if you have the "Sex for Dummies", you should read it in the most crowded places like MTR. With the book widely open, making sure that the yellow cover is being seen by everyone, you should read exceptionally slowly so that everyone knows that "Yes I don't f- know anything about sex". If you have one, please let me know and I am prepared to tease you the dummy for a lifetime. =P

Some days ago I found another series, which resembles the dummy - DEMYSTIFIED series. At first I think this is as ridiculous as the previous one, but then, never judge a book by its cover from now on, the series is a more advanced one. Books you found are all some deep subjects you may have encountered in college: Algebra Demystified, Statistics Demystified, Six Sigma Demystified, and Quantum Mechanics Demystified, etc. I have examined the book of quantum mechanics as a physics major student, and I would say the book is not easy. So this pretty much shows that this series is no joke, it is a really helpful one that explains mysteries yet in a reasonable price.

I found the third series when I was killing time in PageOne today - the orange framed COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE. Did I say the dummy is the only book that makes the proverb pathetically meaningless? I apologise. This has to be included as well. From its name, you know you have no denial of being an idiot of the titled subject (to be a bit more specific, a complete idiot); so explicit, so clear. It is duck soup to search more than 3000 idiot's guides in Amazon.com. Holy, how can they think of so many? This series is way worse than the dummy since you can find weird subjects. (I am sure there are stupid subjects in the dummy, but that's enough for it, isn't it? =P) Examples are:

Some titles are really hilarious.

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Einstein: Isn't it funny that an idiot is reading his best-fitted guide to understand a genius? The Complete Idiot's Guide to Being a Sex Goddess: I just cannot think of anything to say, in Cantonese, "my mouth turns into a little circle." Time to learn something huh? The Complete Idiot's Guide to 30000 Baby Names: A whole book of names; reminded this is a 000-level course on idiot names, a lecture that new parents can't miss.

Avoid the orange book as very well as the yellow book, my advice.